I started a 30-day alcohol-free challenge at the end of November 2019. On this challenge, emails were sent daily with advice and homework to do. Here are the notes from Day 1, it gives a good idea of what I was feeling and why I felt I needed to press pause on my drinking.
What in your life is not working for you?
Just at the moment, I am feeling constantly harassed and too busy and am not very tolerant of the feelings of being too busy.
There’s a lot going on and most of it is caused by me saying ‘yes’ to too many things and also booking a holiday for straight after the end of term. Why did I do it? but it will be good when we get on that plane. But… disruption and so much to plan.
I have also been having to force myself not to drink as I would have liked to drink A LOT more than I have been drinking. So I do drink, but it’s never enough and the white-knuckling is exhausting.
Just running the home and family and looking after oneself could keep a person busy full-time… why do I work too??!!! For mental stimulation, but now I feel overwrought.
What needs to change with your habits and behaviour?
I so need to stop impulsively over-committing to too many things. I need to stop feeling so harassed and probably then the urge to drink vast quantities would ease.
I would like to be moving an hour a day, I know that would be good for me.
What have been the consequences of your drinking habits?
Bad sleep, eating too much, feeling depressed… and thinking too much about it. I did have some days or weeks when I was feeling great and days could go by with no urges… but then started to feel overburdened and want to drink daily and it is SO HARD stopping myself.
Bad sleep is big, alcohol and stress find me at 3am and keep me awake and that has happened three or four times in past two weeks or so and twice I have not been able to get back to sleep.
Anxiety… have been feeling unusually anxious and stressed and I would like that to STOP!!
What will you gain from changing your relationship with alcohol?
Freedom from cravings and from white-knuckling it.
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