Lots of the quit lit I have read, and also many people on Facebook groups, mention ‘The Wine Witch.’ She’s that little voice in your head that suggests things like:
- You really do deserve a glass of wine after all that effort
- Just have the one, no-one will know
- You never were that bad anyway
- You know that wine really does relax you, and you’re so tense right now
She’s the voice of your addiction, of course. That voice is not you… mindfulness is SO helpful with that voice. Becoming the observer and not getting caught up in your mental chatter is essential… letting the voice talk and then fade away. So helpful.
It’s good to have some compassion for the wine witch, she’s desperate… you can listen to her for a bit, let her in, give her a comfy chair…. but this voice of your addiction can be soothed in many other ways. Alcohol really won’t help, even though that’s what your little voice claims is the one and only answer. So not.
Well, it took a few weeks of not drinking… but that sneaky wee voice inside my head popped up again and it said:
You know, you could always have a drink when you go away on holiday.
How ironic! One of the reasons that the start of the not drinking was not so hard was that I’d gone on holiday with the family, moving around Vietnam quite a bit… and I had decided long before that I wouldn’t drink any wine when away. I knew it would be easier there, not the same triggers as home and it was not going to be a relaxing by the pool with a glass of fizz type of vacation.
Cheap and cheerful pho shops in Vietnam do not have a wine list! Beer is the drink of choice, but I’ve never been a beer drinker.
Anyway, the devious chatter in my head also said:
Have a drink on holiday, when you go off somewhere on your own. Where nobody knows you, so they don’t know you have stopped. Nobody to see you… you can just do it when away and who will know.
But WHY, sneaky voice? WHY would I do that? Where’s the benefit for me?
I knew it was all going too well and was feeling too good and too easy. I had been surprised. Now I need to work out what this need is that has come up… and what can I do with it.
And again another day. My Wine Witch is telling me that when I take a flight later this year, I really must take the glass of French champagne that the air hostess will offer.
Yes! I’ve used points to upgrade to business class on the Sydney-Dubai leg. I’m deep enough to admit to how shallow I am. My rare business class flights between Sydney and London or Glasgow have been life highlights. I might never have been ghappier than when mid-air and lying flat out, with free food, the world’s best cashews and hosties offering all sorts of alcoholic drinks right, left and centre. Free!
Not free, of course, those flights have cost a fortune or have used up all my flying husband’s points. Will be a very very rare event now int he new normal.
Those flights and those glasses of champagne has been pretty meaningful in my life too. They have marked flights home for funerals and sudden dashes back to Scotland to help my mum when in need. I’ve still loved the flying and the food and drinks, even if I was also weeping.
Is it conceivable to not take that free glass of champagne? Would just the one matter? Is this just a very devious Wine Witch wiggling her way into my mind? Are these the last gaps of my addiction, desperately trying to cling on.
Well, might never know as that flight will not be happening. Sobriety saved by a pandemic, perhaps?
I had had a sneaky voice also when I was drinking… but that’s a story for another day.
